By Jenneke Mills, Head of Technical Services

If you asked my 94-year-old grandpa what his best piece of advice is, he'd tell you 'don't get old'. He feels like it was yesterday that he was 40.

I'm sure when he was 40 that he never thought about what life would be like in his 90s, what care and support he might need, and who would provide it.

Fast forward over half a century, and his 65-year-old daughter is his full-time live-in carer - a role she probably didn't anticipate would be part of her own retirement.

The pressures of caring for loved ones

When it comes to caring for ageing relatives, there’s often a lot of compromise in relation to lifestyle, finances, and retirement plans.

Income may reduce if you cut working hours and it’s difficult to re-enter the workforce later in life.

Even if you're not personally providing care, often it's adult children who end up responsible for making arrangements when mum or dad's health or mobility deteriorate.

This can be especially complicated if the person hasn’t expressed their wishes or implemented Enduring Powers of Attorney so that someone is legally authorised to make decisions, all at a time of great emotion.

But life's twists and turns don't have to take you by surprise.

The conversations you can't afford to put off

As we celebrate the festive season, we often reflect on the year that was.

However, it's also a good time to look forward and plan for the future. These conversations can be difficult as we are forced to face mortality – our own and of those dearest to us.

Taking the time to have uncomfortable conversations today could save a lot of heartache down the track. This is especially important if your family only see each other at annual events such as Christmas – because it is easier to have this conversation face-to-face.

The benefits of planning

As we age, there can be a lot of changes taking place with far-reaching consequences. If the right plans haven't been put in place and the right conversations not had in advance, it can have significant emotional, financial, and legal consequences for all involved.

Waiting until the need for care arises to broach these topics can mean important decisions need to be made quickly, impacting the range of options available, and creating unnecessary pressure.

Not to mention that waiting until your own golden years have arrived to find out your retirement plans need to accommodate caring for or financially supporting a loved one is not setting yourself up for success.

Many of the things that keep us awake at night are not the things that we do know, but the things we don't- the conversations we haven't had, the plans we haven't made, the costs we aren't sure about.

Knowing what the options are, what support is available both at home and in terms of aged care homes, and who to contact to start the process, are all things that can be considered and even planned in advance.

Planning provides control and choice, as well as time to optimise other outcomes related to social security entitlements and care costs as well as ensuring that legally, there is someone that you trust who is legally empowered to make important decisions and arrangements.

Early preparation and conversations can optimise all of these outcomes, while also minimising the burden on family and key decision makers.

The important homework

Even though we can't say what the future will look like for us or our loved ones, being prepared and making the right arrangements can provide peace of mind.

My challenge to you ahead of family gatherings across the festive season, is to spend some time reflecting on what this could mean for you and your loved ones.

What do you see when you look into the future? How's mum and dad's health and mobility and what changes do you anticipate to their circumstances over the coming years? Who in your family plays the role of decision maker and what legal arrangements are in place to support that?

Make a commitment to yourself to pour a glass of wine, a cuppa, or cook a special family dinner, and start these conversations with your family.